Hugh Atkins

Kung Fu Panda 4 is set for release in theaters on March 8. But with baseball’s version of the Kung Fu Panda in camp with the San Francisco Giants, fans are gearing up for “Kung Fu Panda 5: the Return of Pablo Sandoval.”

In the original version of “Kung Fu Panda,” the Panda makes a splash in his first season as a regular player for the Giants in 2009 when he hits .330 with 25 home runs and 90 runs batted in while helping his team win the World Series. He becomes a legend in the City by the Bay when he hits three home runs in Game One of the 2012 World Series and is named the Series’ Most Valuable Player. The story ends with him picking up a third World Series ring in 2014.

In “Kung Fun Panda 2,” the Panda signs a big contract and packs a grip for Beantown prior to the 2015 season. But the Dragon Warrior struggles in his new surroundings, hitting just .249 in 2015 while missing all but three games of 2016 with an injury. The story ends with the Red Sox cutting him loose after 32 games in 2017. It just proves that sequels rarely are as good as the original.

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The plot of “Kung Fu Panda 3” has the Panda returning to the land of his previous glory and where the people adore him. Back in Frisco, the Panda finds his niche as a pinch hitter. He goes 8-28 with a home run in the pinch in 2018, and he leads the National League in pinch hits with 18 in 2019. An interesting subplot has him smacking 14 homers as a part-time player.

The groundwork for “Kung Fu Panda 4” is laid when the Giants banish the Dragon Warrior from the City of Fog after he hits just .220 with one home run in 33 games in 2020. The Panda’s next stop is the Big Peach where he signs on as a pinch-hitting specialist with the Atlanta Braves. Our hero makes a huge impression on the local inhabitants with a game-tying, pinch-hit home run against the archrival Phillies of Philadelphia on Opening Day. By May 8, the Panda has tied the Atlanta record for pinch homers in a season with four, with each one either tying the game or giving the Braves the lead. Problems ensue when the Panda goes into a 4-42 skid after his fourth pinch homer, and he is hitless in his last 20 at-bats. “Kung Fu Panda 4” ends on a sour note when the Braves exile the Dragon Warrior to Cleveland in a trade for Eddie Rosario, and the Indians immediately designate the Panda for assignment. The Panda does, however, pick up a fourth World Series ring as the Braves go on to win the 2021 title.

Now, there are rumblings in the Sun Set City that wheels are in motion for a “Kung Fu Panda 5.” In the latest installment of this franchise, the Dragon Warrior reaches out to his original compatriots and sends them evidence of his newly formed, slimmed-down physique and wrangles a non-roster invitation to the Giants’ Spring Training camp in the West’s Most Western Town. If all goes well, the Panda will be on the Opening Day roster, but he indicates that he would be willing to start the season in the Valley of the Sun. Fans of the Panda are anxiously awaiting news of the greenlighting of this latest episode of “Kung Fu Panda.”

Count me among those who are wishing Pablo Sandoval success in his latest endeavor.

2 responses to “Kung Fu Panda 5”

  1. Gary Trujillo Avatar

    Hey Hugh…I’m from Nor. Cal. so I listen to a lot of the sports talk in the area and Giants fans sort of see this signing as a gimmick because the fan base is upset with the lack of signings this off-season. I think it’s fairly obvious that the Giants have no intention of competing and I feel like that is one of the huge problems with baseball. Good luck to the dude but that team is in for a rough time without decent pitching.

    P.S. that Rosario trade was a bank robbery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. cheaphill44 Avatar

      Yeah, maybe the Giants think a feel-good story with an old fan favorite will quieten a few of the critics. Meanwhile, there are still plenty of solid free agents out there that the Giants (and others) could sign at a decent price–Rosario being one of them. It might be a long season in the Bay Area.

      Liked by 1 person

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